Letting go…of control
Many of us experience situations, circumstances, events, or issues that are beyond our control. Our actions often prove futile despite earnest efforts, sleepless nights, and soul-searching to find a solution or offer assistance in a particular situation.
For instance, if a team member harbours dislike towards us, despite our best efforts to change their attitude, we fail miserably. Our actions may even have a detrimental effect on the relationship, as the person may realise that they have power over us (relating to our “need” to be liked) that may even reinforce their feelings of animosity. Choosing to accept that not everyone will like us and valuing respect over approval enables us to maintain a rational, less emotional perspective. This transformation requires effort, time, and the right tools.
Another example involves eco-anxiety. While climate change concerns weigh heavily on us, recognising our limited control is essential. Sometimes, letting go is necessary, though it doesn’t preclude us from adopting eco-friendly lifestyles, raising awareness, or voting differently—initiatives within our sphere of influence.
The same applies to friends and family who sometimes make life choices that we may disagree with. However, by trying to make them behave in the way we think they should behave, we often alienate them and increase their feelings of resentment, sometimes even reinforcing the “negative” behaviour. Our will to control is counterproductive, and again, sometimes we must let things go.
So where does our control start, and end? Covey established the different spheres of personal control shown above, categorizing them in three distinct circles: the circle of concern (no control), the circle of influence (limited control) and the circle of control (full control). Consider what is currently keeping you awake at night or causing you anguish: do you have full/some/no control? If you do have control, what are the actions that will help the issues you are currently facing? However, if you have no control, then you need to let go…
